You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
