I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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