In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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