wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize