I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
