the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish my penis had a tongue
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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