I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
