guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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