I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
