I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
