Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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