they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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