i don't like sucking hair
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
