Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
