i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
