Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think a kid would responsible me up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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