if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
