Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
