Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
