I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
