there's paper in my vomit.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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