we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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