I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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