u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
