Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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