I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
