He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Text me some of your sweat
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
