You just made me feel so damn special
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
