K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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