Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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