I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
