You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
