so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
