i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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