just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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