She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
