I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the raccoons are back...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
