Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
