he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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