I can tuck mytits in my pants
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
