Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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