don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we're so committed to being not committed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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