sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
