either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
