Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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