So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
