So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
