Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
