I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
