Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
