Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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