I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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