i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
