Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
