plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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