Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
