I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
