i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
