Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
