you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
