I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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