just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
