So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
