remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
