Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
