I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
