How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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