you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize