the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
