Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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