Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
50% drunk capacity currently
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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