the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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