is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
