i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
