Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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