I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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