I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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