I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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