yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
