last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
