is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
