i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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