i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize