i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
