Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
