the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
